goodbye journal

takes a second to say goodbye
say goodbye, oh, oh, oh
it takes a second to say goodbye
say goodbye, oh, oh, oh, say bye bye
where you going to now?

invisible cities/city of god reading response

     There have been books this semester that I haven’t been fond of, but Invisible Cities takes the cake. Not only is this the worst book I’ve read for this class, it’s possibly the worst book I’ve read in any class all year. It was just city after city after city with some dialogue thrown in. I know there was more to it than that, and I liked the whole thing about “signs,” but anything that could have been good was swept up in the boring details. I guess if I could pick one of the “cities” to live in (although I guess they are all really Venice…?), it would be Eutropia. I would like to just keep moving on every time my life became unbearable. It would be nice to just start over.

As for City of God? Depressing because it was true– well, the movie itself wasn’t true, but stuff like that is really going on. Even when we saw Li’l Dice/Ze laughing as he killed people in the beginning, I didn’t think he’d end up like he did at the end, a bloodthirsty bully. I think the people in the City of God need a Eutropia. It would be nice for them to be able to start over, because even when people who cause the problems get killed, there seems to be no end to the violence. As the Runts proved, there will always be someone new to take over and keep things going in their downward spiral.

not your little whiskey girl

Keeping with the topic of place, I am amused by the fact that I, a northerner for life, listen to more country music than all of my southern-bred friends put together.

brooklyn

I finally feel like I belong here again.

reading response: the hour of the star, clarice lispector

 

    

    This cover isn’t the one I have, but I like it better than my own.

 What to say about Lispector’s “The Hour of the Star?” For starters, this is the most depressing book I’ve ever read. I tried to find a line to support that, but I’d just end up quoting the whole book. I googled it for more information and found two things that stood out: a movie review of it from 1987 and a review by someone who thought the book was more funny than sad. I don’t think it’s funny at all. Some people might say that it’s a good thing that Macabea doesn’t know any better to know how awful her life is. I think that’s the saddest part of all.

     And who is this Rodrigo guy? The author, maybe, or the narrator? Is he telling the story as it happened, or creating it himself? He seems to be so involved that he’s either making the whole thing up or making up parts of it, because unless he’s inside her brain he can’t know everything, can’t always be there. I like his words but I don’t trust him at all. Pretty words are often hiding lies.

     This book made me skeptical and miserable and unable to sleep. Clarice Lispector, you did your job.

to let it go: and so, to fade away

You can be unhappy anywhere. I never really learned that until this year. I’d never really been anywhere else, never really left Scranton. And I always told myself, you will be happy once you get out of here. Everyone else told me that. They were proud of me when I left, jealous even. I thought I would do something great. I guess everyone thinks that. Things started well, they always do, but now it is April 6th, less than one month until the end of the school year, and I live in the dream city of everyone I grew up with and it’s killing me.

online/offline

I live in the greatest city in the world, yet I’m panicked over losing the internet for 24 hours. I think I need a new hobby.

analyce.

Wikipedia.com says that Smyrna, Tennessee is a town of about 26, 614 people. Their most famous residents have been race car drivers and war heroes. When I think of Smyrna, a place I have never been, I don’t think of NASCAR or the Confederacy. I think of a precious baby girl, one who is gone from us now.

I first heard about Analyce right after she went missing. They showed her picture on Nancy Grace, spent the episode discussing her– and that was it. I never heard about her again. Even now I find that, while her remains were located at the beginning of this month, I saw nothing on the news. America’s Most Wanted hasn’t updated their profile of her with the news. Even her own website doesn’t say anything– an “Analyce Guerra has been missing for…” clock just keeps ticking away, but the clock doesn’t need to tick anymore. Everything is gone for this baby. When I found out, I just stared at that picture above, and all I could think to do was say “I’m sorry.” I am sorry, Analyce. I think the whole world failed you.

The whole thing just makes me sick, physically sick to think of. I wish we could promise all the other babies and children all over the country that this won’t happen to them. But who even knows? Polly Klaas was taken from her own slumber party. Georgia Weckler– and a more recent case whose name I am currently blanking on– feared being kidnapped, and then they were. You can’t promise anything. Maybe this has nothing to do with cities or towns. But cities and towns all over the world– that’s where these unspeakable tragedies, these hideous crimes are taking place, and people just keep getting away with them.  

Rest in peace, Analyce, little angel.

mrs. dalloway reading response

“Look, look, Septimus!” she cried. For Dr. Holmes had told her to make her husband (who had nothing whatever seriously the matter with him but was a little out of sorts) take an interest in things outside himself.” (pg. 21)

This quote comes from Lucrezia, the wife of Septimus, who is a man afflicted with mental issues after the war. Not only does this quote tell us a lot about Lucrezia and her mindset, it is also a look into the contrasting mindsets of Septimus and Clarissa Dalloway.

Although part of this may possibly be deliberate avoidance of the subject, Lucrezia is clearly in denial about how much trouble Septimus is in. Throughout the story, she is always talking about Dr. Holmes and how since he thinks Septimus is fine, there is nothing wrong, regardless of her husband’s talk of suicide. She knows that there is something wrong, but refuses to admit it to herself.

While Septimus is unable to take an interest in outside things, this is clearly not the case with Clarissa Dalloway. Clarissa is interested in everything; while they are both a part of the outdoor world that June day, Septimus is not fully present, yet Clarissa finds delight in many of the sights around her. What Clarissa sees is described in great detail, and not only does she take in the sights, but she is “taking an interest” in her love of party-planning and housewifery. Septimus never seems to be interested in much of anything, aside from his dark thoughts; therefore, while he may be present in the world, he is permanently “inside” until the day of his death.

being home

The Clintons won’t get out of Northeast PA. Hillary was here, then Chelsea, now Bill is at a high school in Wilkes-Barre. I understand it’s close to voting time, but come on. Obama was just here, too, but unfortunately he only went to invite-only events, which I think was a mistake on his part. Hillary marched in the St. Patrick’s Day parade. I’m glad I missed that. She is already predicted to win our area. Good for her, now please go away.